The Build Up
by storyteller629
Summary: Late to Sunday dinner, twice. Danny looked like the cat that ate the canary. A quick turn around from avoiding to proposing. We all know the outcome in the final episode of season 8, but how did it happen? Spoilers for 8x21, 8x22.
1. Chapter 1

Jamie thought he'd made up his mind. He was going to back off. It was his only choice, really. They'd agreed to date other people, and nothing good was coming out of him being hung up on her. He felt everything he'd been mulling over the past few weeks. He was annoyed that she had Barry, but still came to him when the chips were down like he was supposed to take all the bad shit so she could go back to her happy life with Barry. Frustrated that she had Barry in the first place, who could get her the most sought after tickets in all the burroughs like it was nothing. Regret for not doing something when he had the chance, his job be damned. Shame for not being able to let her go, let her be happy. Disappointment that she'd really moved on, and he was left pining. Anger that he'd let his job dictate his personal life. A job that could end with one injury that benched either one of them for their career. Then what would he have? Nothing. But she'd still have Barry. No. He'd vowed to give some space until he could get himself through this. They'd talked about it, and he could be happy for her. He would be. Eventually. But until that time, he'd take time to lick his wounds and learn to handle it. He was going to stick to his guns. That was, right up until she cracked that watery smile and her voice faltered.

"If we do go, we gotta talk about it the whole time," he asked. He knew full well that if she wanted to, he'd listen to her all night. He fought a momentary impulse to wrap her into his arms right then. He even resisted putting his arm around her as they left the building; something he'd done dozens of times before.

They'd split up to gather resources. He placed the order to their favorite Thai place near her apartment before he even started his car. Jamie would get the food, and she'd pick up a growler from the new microbrewery that opened a few blocks over. They'd both agreed that most of the brews weren't that good, but they had one barrel-aged variety that was really underrated. Within 45 minutes, he was ringing her buzzer. An action that left a sour taste in his mouth based on his last visit. He tried to swallow down the doubt that had softened when he thought about her vulnerable moment that made him agree to this.

She buzzed him in almost immediately. Jamie climbed the stairs and attempted to match his breaths to his foot falls to release his tension. At her door, he knocked lightly. He could hear voices inside, as though Eddie were listening to a talk TV show.

"It's open," he heard her say from the living room. Jamie kicked off his shoes, locked the door, and saw Eddie with a pile of laundry in her arms. She plucked the final sweater from the couch, then ran the pile back to her bedroom. He glanced at the TV but saw a blank screen. It was only then he realized the two female voices were coming out of the speaker on her coffee table.

"Are you listening to a ...podcast," Jamie asked, his surprise evident.

Eddie reentered from her bedroom, cheeks pink. "You're always going on about how they can be so informative and broaden your understanding or whatever, so I started listening to a few." She shrugged as she reached for her phone to pause the recording.

Jamie felt himself soften a little. He'd made mention of it while she was on recovery when she complained about the monotony of paperwork while she rode the desk.

She continued, "it's no _Epic History_ or TED Talks or anything, but," she shrugged, "I still think it's okay."

Jamie brought the food to the coffee table. "Good," he said, deciding not to correct her misstep in the name of his recommended podcast. As he opened the bag he asked, "So what's that one then?"

She pinked again. "Oh, it's probably dumb. It's these two women who read a self help book then live by it for two weeks. You know, like The Secret or that tidying up book they talk about on the radio. Anyway," she rushed on, "they stick to what the book says for 2 weeks to see if it's even possible to live that way and then, you know, if the lifestyle does what it claims to do." _Jamie_ nodded. "Plus they're pretty funny, so that helps. It's a nice break, ya know?" She shrugged again as she grabbed the beer from her fridge. And just like that, Jamie felt all the walls he'd been trying in vain to build for his protection crumble.

Edit Janko was nothing if not true to her word. They did not talk about their week. They shared the Crab Rangoon and spring rolls while Eddie let him prattle on about a recent podcast he'd listened to on the Williamsburg Bridge and how it's construction changed Brooklyn. She took generous portions of the Massaman and Pad Thai while he claimed the cucumber salad and Basil Chicken. Much to his surprise, there was no sign of Barry that Jamie could see in the apartment. Not even a toothbrush hiding in the medicine cabinet-a glance Jamie might've sneaked when he used the bathroom.

Eddie talked about her dad a bit. His lawyer had contacted her a few weeks back to say they were going to start preparing a petition for parole. The conversation at the beginning of the week clearly had rattled her, but she tried to seem nonplussed by the whole thing. She told him about a feud she was having with an older lady in her building who would take other residents clothes from the dryer, still wet, in order to dry her own. They got dangerously close to talking about it when Eddie mentioned the new baby in the apartment above her, but she carefully sidestepped it with an anecdote about the change to their walking patterns as they paced the apartment late into the night.

When they both began to pick at their food, Eddie suggested the TV. Out of habit, Jamie started to clear their empty containers to the kitchen. He saw the exam application open near the coffee pot, a thick book beside it. Jamie disposed of the takeout and flipped the pages of the new book. For just a moment, he questioned whether his decision was the right one. He didn't miss law school or spending his days pouring over books, but there was something about the promise of a new book like this; of learning and mastering the content that still gave him a thrill. He opened a page toward the back of the book. As he anticipated, he found a practice exam. He skimmed the page for a short question. He cleared his throat and began to read. "A newly assigned police officer asks you, his patrol supervisor, what he should do if he is the first to arrive at the scene of a bomb threat in a building. Your most appropriate response should be to-"

Eddie, who was scrolling through the channel guide, turned to him and groaned. Her face read embarrassment and a touch of fear. She rolled her eyes. "Know someone undercover with previous ballistics experience who can defuse it and tell your partner to run like hell?"

"Is that your final answer?"

"Probably not," she said and turned away from him. He sensed a change as she focused her attention back to the tv.

Putting down the book, Jamie moved back from the couch. He'd clearly hit a nerve. "You okay? Sorry if I-"

Eddie shook her head. "No, it's fine. I just don't even know where to start. It's like you have to have some encyclopedia in your head of the right way to do something according to the department, not what could happen in the moment. I haven't even finished the application, and I don't know if I should even bother." She looked at him. "It should be you, you know. You have the whole damned patrol guide memorized already. I practically break out in hives just reading the back of that stupid study guide."

Jamie chuckled at her ability to simultaneously compliment and take a jab at him. His brain started turning. This was just like the preparations he'd done for the Bar. Before he could really think about what it would mean- the time, the proximity, the commitment, his mouth was already moving. "I can help."

"You can?" Her eyes were hopeful as she turned to him. He knew he couldn't backpedal now.

"Sure, yeah," he answered, less certain than he hoped he sounded. "We'll break it down and tackle it one topic at a time. You'll be at the top of that list."

"You know, we could _both_ be at the top of that list," Eddie said after a pause.

"Nah," Jamie replied, refilling his beer, "I already told you, I'm happy where I am, and I'm not interested." Eddie rolled her eyes and took another sip of her beer. She looked like she wanted to say more, but she finally settled on a show.

"Oh man, this is old school," she said with glee, turning up _Storage Wars_. "You know I love me some Dave. Yeeep," she imitated. Jamie smiled as she settled into the couch next to him.

They continued to watch and traded occasional jibes about the bidders and the lockers. Jamie barely noticed when he felt her body weight lean into him, and it wasn't until his arm was settling into her that he realized he'd wrapped it around her. He thought about leaving, but it was so easy to stay, his line in the sand slowly eroding. Before he knew it, they'd watched two episodes and were both nodding off on the couch.

"C'mon," he whispered to her as he shifted under her, "I'll tuck you in."

Initially, Jamie mistook her response for a grumbled protest and helped her off the couch. He started to tidy up the glasses and growler while she brushed her teeth. He was rinsing a glass when something clicked. _Stay_. She'd said it before standing up. He tried to piece it all together. He even went back to the couch to replay the scene in his head. _Something, something, something, stay._ Jamie thought again. Was it a question? _Why don't you stay?_ A suggestion? _You could just stay._ A request? _I want you to stay._ He was sure she said it. He was sure that was the word she used. And no matter how she phrased it, the fact remained: Jamie had a choice to make.

Jamie waited to hear her pull the covers back after she changed for bed. He felt his heart thump in his chest and the blood rush directly to his ears. He tried to regain his breathing, but felt like he was about to burst. Could he risk missing another opportunity? Could he risk being shot down again? Jamie took another deep breath and entered her room. Eddie was curled on her side, seemingly asleep. As he got close, she patted the space next to her. "Your stuff's in the bottom drawer," she mumbled. For a moment, Jamie panicked. Did she think he was Barry? With a knot in his stomach, he made his way to her dresser.

Much to his relief, Jamie found a pair of his NYPD sweats and an old Harvard t-shirt of his, the only folded items among a tangle of yoga pants and leggings. He didn't remember giving them to her, but he vaguely remembered wondering about the whereabouts of the shirt some time ago.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke early, Eddie nestled to him. Jamie's mind raced. He needed to talk to someone, try to process the next step. He already knew how Erin would react. She'd be black and white. Move forward with Eddie, ask for new partners. Things still felt too gray to him. Going to Danny, well, it didn't seem fair to bring up relationship problems with him, not given his last year.

Jamie quietly and quickly changed back into his clothes. He used some mouthwash from the bathroom to quell his morning breath. Almost ready to leave, he peaked in on Eddie again, still asleep. He resisted the urge to kiss her forehead before quietly slipping from her apartment.

The morning air was brisk. A quick search on his phone revealed a destination within walking distance, with hours as he'd hoped. Jamie set out quickly.

The building looked like it could be a bank. Greek Revival architecture that towered over the passerbys. But once inside, it felt oddly familiar. The pews, the light pouring in through stained glass, the still air. Though it was more regal than his home parish, it was still comforting. A quick glance around and Jamie found what he was looking for. Built in wooden cubicles. He knew what to expect and made his way to the corner of the church. There were few people out this early on a Sunday, and Jamie knew the first service wasn't set to begin for another hour. He let out a sigh of relief when he realized the confessional was available.

Once in the dimly lit box, Jamie sat down next to the screen. The partition slid open. He cleared his throat and began. "Good morning, father," he said toward the screen.

"Good morning," replied the priest. Though the lighting was dim, Jamie estimated him to be in his mid 40's. Jamie continued.

"Bless me, father for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last confession." Jamie felt proud that he'd dragged himself out for his biannual confession before Easter. These are my sins." He took a deep breath. "I covet my partner."

There was a pause. Just when Jamie was about to continue, he heard the priest shift. "Partner?" asked the priest, clearly searching for clarification. Jamie recognized the confusion.

"Work partner," he clarified.

"And your partner is married?"

"No, she's not married."

"She's in a committed relationship," asked the priest.

He paused and thought about the man's words. "She was."

"And you are worried that your feelings will impact your working relationship?"

He thought again. Could he deny it already had? "I think she feels the same," he answered. It was the first time he'd spoken about Eddie's feelings to anyone but her.

Now it was the priest's turn to pause. "Consider Ecclesiastes, chapter 4," he said finally. "'Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up,'" he quoted.

Jamie nodded. "That's exactly the problem. If we act on our feelings, we won't be able to work together." He felt again justified in his previous choice.

"Ah, then the next verse," said the priest, and Jamie saw a brief smile through the screen. "'Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?'"

Jamie felt his cheeks flush as he flashed back to waking up in Eddie's bed just an hour ago. How comfortable he was with her body nestled to his. The little moan that had escaped her when he left her side. He felt as he had in the confessional all those years ago when a simple 'is that all' from the priest caused him to spill every sin he'd committed for fear of God knowing he lied by omission. He opened his mouth but had nothing to say, so he mutely nodded.

"I cannot direct you in matters of the heart. But if you both feel the same, perhaps remember that sometimes relationships evolve beyond what we thought them to be. And as it says in Ephesians: 'be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.'"

"We've been patient," Jamie caught himself mumbling. He cleared his throat. "Yes, father, thank you. It's just hard to know whether to take such a big risk when what we have is working."

There was another pause. "What is the answer you came for," asked the priest. When Jamie didn't respond, the man continued. "You came today to confess your feelings for your partner, which are reciprocated. While you may covet her, it seems you could resolve your sin yourself. Talk to her and change your relationship to absolve your sin or continue to struggle with it. In my observation, sins of this nature do not resolve themselves without action."

Jamie swallowed hard. "Yes father, thank you."

"There are verses in the bible praising love and those praising hard work. I don't think God considered them mutually exclusive. Commit to the Lord in whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. That is your first act of penance, to commit to the Lord. He brought you together, trust his plan."

"Yes, father," Jamie repeated. He waited to hear the rest of his penance, then recited the _Act of Contrition_ from memory without a single glance at the laminated card to the left of the screen. When the priest let him go in peace, he thanked him. Jamie considered staying to complete his assigned prayers, but parishioners were trickling in, and he didn't want to risk having to sneak out or get stuck for the service when he felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. He sent a quick apology to God and a promise that he'd say them as he walked, instead.

After all, he had much to reflect on. He wasn't sure what to do. He never took the stuff about committing to God too seriously. Priests had to say that stuff, and while his high school self may have tried to do so, he was much more secular now. _Unless that's exactly the point,_ his brain told him. Jamie shut that down and started to work on his prayers, instead. The prayers were so automatic to him that his mind wandered while he silently recited them. _And blessed is the fruit- God didn't make us partners. And if he did, he killed Vinny to make it happen, so I'm not sure committing to that is really in my best interest._ The priest's message was such an Erin response. She wouldn't say that it was God's doing, of course. At this point all of the kids were too secular to say something like that outloud to each other. She'd say it was the universe or something. Either way, she would definitely endorse the message.

It's not like it was something he was scared of, Jamie thought as he looped into his third recitation. They'd pretty much already confessed their feelings, more than once. There was a small chance she could tell him she'd moved on, but he didn't think it was possible, considering how he failed so many times to do so. He wrapped up his fifth repetition of the prayer and launched into his next assignment. He could see Eddie's block ahead. He hadn't planned on what would happen next. Running out after spending the night, no matter how innocuous it was, didn't seem right. But he would have to get buzzed back in, and telling her he'd sneaked off to see a priest? It sounded a little to Shakespearean to him. A trendy bagel shop caught his eye.

A few minutes later, he rang her bell, juggling two coffees and a bag of half dozen bagels. She answered surprisingly quickly, which made him suspect she was already awake. When he got to her door, she opened it for him. She'd showered and now looked at him with skepticism.

"I thought you'd left," she said, her voice even.

Feeling a bit sheepish, but anticipating her reaction, he held out to coffees balanced atop one another. "The top one's yours," he responded, side stepping any accusations. "I didn't know if you'd be in the mood for savory or sweet," he continued, "so there's everything and cinnamon raisin." Jamie held up the bagels with a grin. Eddie gave him a long glance and postured like she was ready to say something, but decided against it. Instead, she took the coffee and the bag and headed toward the kitchen. Jamie took it as an invitation, closing the apartment door behind him.

"I figured you needed some brain fuel if we're going to start hitting the books today," he said, an idea that came to him in line at the bagel place.

She paused her analysis of his bagel choices and looked at him over the bag. "It's Sunday, Jamie."

"Yeah," he responded. When she didn't say anything, he suddenly felt nervous. Did she have plans? "So?"

"So Sunday, church, your whole family, dinner?" she spoke slowly as though he needed help connecting the dots.

Jamie was relieved. "Oh don't worry about that. I'll text my dad and tell him I'll meet them for dinner. No big deal. We can at least outline our plan of attack and figure out when the study sessions will be."

Eddie looked at him doubtingly. He continued, and more truth escaped than he had really considered. "I'm sure my dad won't mind me not being there. While our rule is family first, the hidden rule of the Reagan clan is we do not air our dirty laundry in public, and especially not at church. Given how we left things the last time we spoke, I'm sure things would be icy, which is usually when pops gets involved and we should really save that for the privacy of our own home, don't you think?" Jamie hadn't meant to sound as ornery as he had, and Eddie clearly didn't have a response for him.

"I'm sorry," he corrected quickly. "I guess I'm still a little wound up about it. Here," he said as he reached for the book on the counter. "Let's take a look at how many chapters there are so we can figure out how to break this down. You've got what, eight weeks until the exam?"

"Jamie, we don't have to-"

"Listen Eddie, I meant what I said last night. The test isn't my thing, but you want it to be yours, and I want to help. If that means flashcards before shift and pop quizzes to determine who picks dinner, then that's what we'll do."

When she smiled, Jamie relaxed. His head still swam with the words from the priest, but he needed to process that by himself.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'd spend the five million on you," he said, and he meant it. He was still shaking, but he could feel her tremble as she clutched him. It took another uniform, McLaughlin from the 8th, if he remembered correctly, approaching them and clearing his throat loudly before they remembered there were others around them.

Almost immediately, they were separated. Guns surrendered, they were each brought to a bus that had arrived in response to the emergency calls from civilians about someone shooting into a cop car. The paramedics gave them each a once over, a bottle of water and a blanket, anticipating shock, even though it was a warm day in May.

Jamie let things happen around him. The coroner, witness statements from the civilians, the tow truck- the place was suddenly full of lights and sound. He wasn't worried about Eddie. It was a clean shot on a man who first shot at an officer. She'd probably do one tour on desk duty, but she was a damned hero. She'd saved his life. He needed to see her, talk to her, make sure she was okay. It felt like the only thing that was important.

He was considering what she'd said after the shooting. Or trying to collect his thoughts on it, but things felt fuzzy and hard to hold on to with everything going on. The water helped, and pulled the blanket around his shoulders to stay warm. In his mind he knew he'd have to go back to the station to give a full statement. Though he didn't know what he could say or how to really describe to anyone what happened. _Maybe the priest was right,_ he started to consider.

He didn't hear Danny's arrival- lights and sirens running from the moment he'd gotten a call from another detective who'd been nearby. Jamie didn't see his brother barely throw the car in park before jumping from the vehicle, finding the first poor guy in a uniform and barking in his face while flashing his badge as his partner tried to get their bearings and assess the scene. It wasn't until his brother was standing in front of him that Jamie truly registered he was there.

"Jesus kid, you okay? You look like hell," his brother started by way of greeting. Jamie could see real concern on his face.

He took a sip of water and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't know how. He was point blank, Danny. Point blank and I was staring down the barrel. She saved me, Danny."

Danny was still collecting facts. "Did you give your statement yet?"

"Naw, they took my weapon and separated us. Is Eddie okay? I want to talk to her."

His brother looked at him. "Biaz will check on her. They won't let you see her until they've gotten both of your statements. You know that."

Jamie nodded mutely. He thought again about what she said.

"Kid?" Jamie heard, "you in there, Jamie?" He must've missed whatever his brother said the first time.

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"Did you hear me? I said I'll talk to the shooting team and have them take your statement."

"I should be with her, Danny. I was her T.O."

"Biaz has it. They'll take her initial statement and get her blood, and I'll make sure Biaz stays with her. It was definitely justified, no question. They'll just have to write the report and she'll be back on duty in no time." He studied Jamie. "You really okay, kid? Have they checked you out? You look even paler than normal."

"She knew, Danny."

It was clear that he was still in older brother mode. "Huh?"

"She said she knew. She didn't know how, but she knew I was in trouble. She saved my life Danny. There's no reason I should be sitting here. He was a hitman and I let him get point blank. Then I heard her and it was like I just knew what to do."

Danny nodded and let him continue. "She was right there exactly at the right moment, and if she hadn't been..." Jamie gave a shudder remembering the bullet whizzing by.

"Hey hey, you're okay. You're probably in shock, but you'll be okay."

"She knew…" Jamie muttered again.

Danny sat down next to his brother on the back end of the ambulance, sighed, then paused as he considered his words. "Of course she knew. When you're...connected to someone, you know. Just like I knew when I heard about the helicopter. I didn't need anyone to tell me, I knew." Danny swallowed hard, then cleared his throat. "Listen, a connection like that, it's special, trust me, I know. Just- just don't waste it," he concluded with a pat on Jamie's knee. He stood. "I'll go check on Eddie and let you know how she's doing. I'll get the shooting team over here too so we can get you home. Oh, and I'll call dad with a status update." Jamie nodded as he watched his brother cross through the crowd.

They'd let Danny transport him back to the house. It was almost five hours later when he was finally released. He'd asked about Eddie multiple times and was assured the shooting appeared justified. Though policy was to wait after a full night's sleep, Jamie gave his official statement as briefly and directly as he could. He was drained, but he wanted it to be done with it.

As Jamie walked out of the room, Danny rose from the chair he'd apparently camped himself in. Jamie wasn't surprised, but he was hyperfocused on finding Eddie. He ignored Danny's questions and continued to look past him. Danny sighed. "They let her go about 10 minutes ago. She seems okay, asked about you. I bet she hasn't left yet."

Jamie was relieved and barely noticed the exaggerated eye roll and nod from Danny when he asked him to make sure Eddie didn't leave. He sped to the locker room and changed as quickly as he could. When he returned to the hallway, he saw Danny and Eddie talking together. He caught their eyes and watched as Danny murmured something to Eddie, then gave her a pat on the arm. Turning his attention to Jamie, he said, "I told dad, pops and Erin to stand down. I promised you were fine and bought you time. But you show up at dad's with so much as a hangnail and I won't hear the end of it, got it?" Jamie nodded. Danny stepped in close and hugged Jamie, "glad you're okay, kid," he whispered hoarsely as he clapped Jamie on the back. It was the first time Jamie realized what the day must've been like for his brother. Jamie stepped back from the hug and the men nodded, a silent understanding passing between them. Danny made an excuse about traffic on the Verrazanos and left them both.

"You okay?" Jamie asked. He felt watched in the precinct. Though his urge was to hug her again, he knew better.

"Yeah," Eddie responded, looking equally as distracted as he felt. "I feel like this day has lasted a thousand years, but I still feel buzzed."

He nodded. "You wanna grab something to eat?"

She looked at him for a moment. "Not really," she replied, and he felt his stomach drop. His face must've shown his disappointment. "I just don't think I can eat, if you believe it," she added with a wry smile. "But I could use a drive or something."

It was the tail end of rush hour, and though he didn't know where they'd go, he was willing to go anywhere with her. He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. He held the door for her and watched as she reached into her bag. Her hands shook as she withdrew her keys. Eddie gave him a watery smile. "I guess I'm still a little jazzed on the adrenaline," she said when she noticed him watching.

"Here," he said quietly as he gently took the keys from her hand. Jamie pocketed her keys and slid his hand into hers. He was sure she looked up at him, with the inquisitive face he knew so well, but she then gave his hand a squeeze and he felt the smile break across his face. _It's like junior fucking high school,_ he thought to himself.

She led him to Silver Belle where he opened the door for her before moving around the car and sliding into the driver's seat. In the quiet and stillness of the car, things felt awkward. They both started asking the same question about their destination, then stopped, chuckled, and tried again. She asked him to just drive and told him she'd call out a direction if she had any ideas.

Jamie eased his way into the West Side highway. The evening air was cool, but they both rolled down their windows in appreciation. Jamie took special care to focus on driving Silver Belle. When traffic backed up near Chelsea, he jumped off the highway to the surface streets. They were quiet, the sounds of the city passing in the cool night air between them. Jamie's thoughts felt like they were racing, but he couldn't quite connect them. He had things he needed to tell her, he was not going to let what happened today pass by without some sort of...something. Holding her hand was great, but they'd done this before: walked right up to the line and nudged it before retreating.

No retreat baby, no surrender, his brain supplied. He couldn't remember the rest of the lyrics but for bits and pieces. He made a note to himself to look it up later. While his brain chewed on Bruce, Jamie saw Eddie yawn from the corner of his eye, and he started to formulate a plan without much hesitation. They were closer to his place, and he offered to drop himself off. Almost immediately, he kicked himself. It was so automatic for him to put her first. If she agreed, there was a good chance she could drop him off at the curb and he'd miss the opportunity again. As he mentally chastised himself, he almost missed how she tensed next to him.

"I, uh," Eddie started quietly. Jamie immediately rolled up his window. They were at a light, which allowed him to look at her. He realized she looked wiped. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I, uh, don't think I can be alone tonight," her voice lilted as though it was a question.

Heart leaping into his throat, Jamie couldn't speak for a moment. Instead, he nodded and reached out his hand to hers as he regained his voice. "Of course," he assured her. "We can-"

From behind them came a honk from a Lexus SUV with glaring lights. Jamie looked to the now green light and pulled his hand away so he could shift, muttering under his breath. He cut down another quieter street. The moment to hold her hand was over, but he wished it back. He still felt his blood running hot at the impatient asshole behind them.

"Your place is closer, if that's okay" Eddie supplied.

"Yeah," Jamie responded, his mind racing to what he'd say when they got there. "Yeah, that's good."

Eddie leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes while Jamie drove. Tunnel traffic was less awful than Jamie anticipated, which was a blessing and a curse. He was so focused on maneuvering Silver Belle through the traffic that he didn't have much time to plan for his opportunity. Where could he even begin? He didn't want to freak her out, but he couldn't help but think about what the priest said to him about her being his partner for a reason. He still wasn't sure he could believe that it would be a master plan. After all, it didn't seem right that Joe would die to prompt him to go to the academy and then Vinny would die all so he could meet Eddie. But if those shitty things were going to happen regardless, then having someone like Eddie in his life was maybe the universe's attempt to balance things out a little for him? Jamie couldn't say any of this to her, of course. He knew none of it actually made sense.

They arrived at his building, and he was no closer to knowing what to say or how to say it. He looked over at her as she roused next to him. Maybe tonight wasn't it. It was selfish of him to unload on her when she was this exhausted. She'd killed a man today. Though it was justified, it was still a life, Jamie realized. Maybe she needed to process the conflicting feelings. She said she didn't want to be alone, and he could count on one hand the number of times Eddie had admitted vulnerability during their time together. He wouldn't burden her, Jamie decided. His feelings had been there long enough, they could wait another day.


	4. Chapter 4

Once inside, Jamie made quick work of tossing his running shorts from before his shift into the hamper. He was glad he'd taken the few moments to make his bed that morning. He'd offered her a beer, but she'd turned him down.

"You can take the bed, I'll crash on the couch," Jamie offered to her. Eddie was still holding her go bag. She looked as though she was going to say something, then changed her mind.

"Actually, I'll take that beer," she said as she put the bag down. Jamie tossed the pillow and blanket he'd grabbed from the bed onto the couch. He moved to the kitchen.

"You sure you don't wanna order something?" Jamie asked as he opened the beer. "All I've got here is-" He was cut off by her words.

"What do you want?" Her voice was tired, her tone strained. He could see her whole body brace for his response.

Jamie was caught off guard. Her tone told him this wasn't about takeout, but he'd gotten so good at ignoring the elephant in the room, her meaning didn't register. He said the only thing that came to mind.

"Huh?"

She sighed, exasperated. "What. Do. You. Want" she repeated slowly, pointedly. She didn't say more, but he suddenly knew what she meant.

"It's not about what I want," he started, as he watched her recoil. He entered from the kitchen, the beer still in his hand.

"Jesus, Reagan, the hell it isn't. After what happened today-" she started, but he took a deep breath and undercut her with his tone.

"It's not about what I want," he repeated, his voice quiet and steady. "What happened today? Everything that happened? I realized I don't just _want_ you, Eddie, I _need_ you. I need you by my side, I need to come home to you every night. I need you." He paused, aware that her attention was fully on him and for once she was rendered speechless. "I've spent years telling myself that I could be okay with things like they were. But these past few months, I had a harder and harder time convincing myself that it was true. And I know I've backed out on it before. But this is it. I'm all in. You alright with that?"

He looked her in the eye just in time to see a tear fall and register that she was moving forward towards him. He was less ill prepared than the last time they'd kissed in his apartment, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach was just as strong. This time he knew he wouldn't let her walk away. He put the beer down and suddenly she was inches from him.

"Be prepared to be ruined," she whispered with a smile.

"Counting on it," he replied as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her with more passion than they'd ever shared. Her hands went to the nape of his neck and his whole body shivered in response.

He broke the kiss. "Bedroom?" he questioned.

She nodded. "Bedroom," she affirmed.

He woke a few hours later with an idea in his mind that he knew wouldn't let him sleep until he saw it through. As much as he hated to extract himself from Eddie for the second time in two weeks, he slipped from the bed and threw on a pair of sweats.

He was pretty sure he'd looked everywhere he could for his answer when he heard her voice.

"Jamie," she called softly. Over the light of his laptop, he could just make her out- tossing her hair and walking towards him in a t-shirt he knew to be his. He pulled the screen towards him.

"Sorry," he apologized automatically. He felt charged by the information he was sitting on.

"You're making a bad habit of this, Reagan," she chided with a smile. "The whole being gone when I wake up thing."

"I'm sorry," he apologized again and held the blanket he'd wrapped around his torso out. She snuggled in next to him on his couch.

"So what couldn't wait until a decent hour? You don't have some late night QVC addiction or something do you?"

Jamie let out a chuckle. "No," he said as he lifted the screen so she could see. "Actually something got me thinking during our study sessions." He indicated the multiple tabs he had open in the browser. "There's nothing, Eddie."

She was clearly confused and rubbed her eyes against the bright screen. "Nothing what? What do you mean, Jamie?"

He switched tabs to a pdf. "Nothing in the code of conduct, nothing in the union contract, nothing in the patrol guide that says partners can't be married."

Eddie sat up from where she'd nestled into him. She crossed her arms around her body. "Jamie, I mean, I don't want to lose you as a partner, but everyone knows you can't ride together if you are involved."

Jamie was getting excited. "That's my point," he said, flipping to another tab. "It's not actually a rule. It's not written anywhere."

"But Jamie, you've seen how quickly it can backfire," she said patiently. It was true, Jamie knew at least three partnerships that went south when their outside lives became entwined in their patrol lives. He'd seen plenty of partners reassigned once they filled out their disclosure forms.

"Yeah, but it's different for us," he said patiently. "We've been partners first, for a long time. We have the best booking record in the 12th, probably one of the top ones in the city."

Nodding, Eddie seemed to think about what he said. "True," she agreed, "but it still doesn't change the fact that even if it's not a rule, everyone thinks it is."

He bobbed his head. "Yeah, but it isn't. Nothing in history gets changed without someone pointing out the need for the change, you know." He was still buzzed from the confirmation of his theory. Jamie quickly realized that Eddie was worrying her lip and staring at the floor ahead of her. He put his laptop down and turned towards her. "You okay?"

She took a moment before looking in his direction. Her eyes didn't meet his. "Do you think it's a mistake? What we-"

Jamie was taken aback. "N-no," he stammered as his brain slowly clicked into place. He'd let his lawyer-brain take over and it had been so thrilled to find the loophole, it hadn't occurred to him how she might take it.

"Oh God no, of course I-" he reached for the hand that was closest to him and used his other hand to tilt her chin up so he could see her eyes. "Hey," Jamie whispered softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I..." looking into her blue eyes, her face etched with worry, he felt terrible.

Taking a deep breath, he tried again. His hand moved to her other hand so now he could hold both of hers. "This is no mistake," he assured her. "Don't even think it. I didn't mean that at all. I just-" he took another deep breath. "We work well together. I think we've proven that time and time again. And the idea of someone else having, or not having your back… I just don't know what I'd do if I got the call and I wasn't there," he finished quietly. He swallowed the lump in his throat as the image of her laying on the floor that flashed in his mind. "Plus, if they reassign one of us, who knows what our shifts could look like. We could work opposites."

Eddie smiled at his pragmatic response, but he knew she caught how his voice had faltered. "Okay," she agreed. "I hate the idea of not having your back, too. But if it comes down to the job or this, Jamie, I won't choose the job. And if you do, I don't-"

"No," he said quickly. "This. The job has been first for too long. This is it. We are it. I promise you." With that he released her hands so he could kiss her and bring her into a hug.

They stayed together on the couch for a long moment wrapped in the blanket. He'd shifted to let her snuggle back into him, her legs curled under her. He'd pointedly closed the laptop to indicate the conversation was over. He couldn't be sure, but Eddie may have started to fall asleep against him.

"We should do this," he whispered before he could stop himself. Suddenly the butterflies were back in his stomach. He was surprised that the thudding of his heart didn't bounce her head off his chest. He was nervous, but just as sure in this as he'd been before he'd kissed her tonight.

"Hmm," Eddie said, her breath warm against him.

Jamie steadied her to an upright position and faced her. "Marry me," he said, more urgently than he'd meant to.

Eddie blinked hard and opened her eyes wide. "Jamie-"

"Wait, hold on. Before you tell me it's crazy, hear me out. For years we've ridden together. We've been each other's rocks, our confidants, and our relief in this squad of two we've created. Even when it hasn't been just us, it's been the two of us. And no matter what life brings, I want to face it with you by my side. I'm tired of delaying what we know we should do, Eddie. So please, will you marry me?"

When Jamie looked at Eddie, her eyes were full of tears. She nodded before her voice cooperated. "Yes," she whispered, a smile breaking across her face. Jamie felt his heart soar and his cheeks hurt from the smile he was surely returning. "Yes," she repeated. He kissed her again and the kisses quickly turned passionate. He led her back to the bedroom, blanket and laptop abandoned.

The gray dawn light was just starting to make it's way between the buildings when they settled back into each other, contentedly. Jamie released a happy sigh.

"So where did all that come from, the whole squad thing?" Eddie asked, her head on his shoulder.

He shrugged with his free arm. "I dunno, just how I think of us, I guess. Like us against the world sometimes."

"Yeah, it's just squad seems like a real _Bring It On_ feel. Very teen girl."

"Oh really," Jamie said with a small chuckle. "And what would be a better choice, master wordsmith?"

"Army," she said decidedly. "I think we're an army of two."

"Oh you think that," Jamie inquired as he rolled to his side to face her. He extracted his arm from beneath her to prop himself up and adjusted the sheets with his other hand. "And just how long have you thought that?"

Now it was her turn to shrug. "No, I just...when you said…" her cheeks were pink.

"Mm-hmm," he said as he cocked his eyebrow.

He could tell she was uncomfortable. "Plus, it's not like you just pulled those words right out of the blue, right? What, were you practicing?" He smiled at her returned eyebrow cock.

"Proposing? That was spontaneous. If I planned it, it would've been much different. Like I would've had a ring, and actually gotten down on one knee." He didn't add that while he had, in fact, thought about how he'd propose to Eddie in what could only be described as a parallel universe, he had focused more on the location and how he'd actually get her there than what he'd say. No, the words he'd used were mangled from the thoughts he'd had as they'd traded off being plus ones for each other at various weddings.

"You did good anyway," she said, which prompted him to lean forward on his elbow to kiss her. Kiss Eddie. Eddie in his bed. Eddie, his fiancee in his bed. The thought of it all still gave him a giddy head rush.

"Back to this army thing…" he started. He felt like there was something more there. Had she been sitting next to him in those weddings and been thinking the same thing?

Eddie tried to cover her face with the sheet. "Ugh, enough. It was nothing."

"For the record, I like the army of two thing." Jamie took a deep breath. The only way he'd get her to admit anything is if he gave her something first. "I'll always have your six on the job or off," he promised solemnly.

Eddie moved the sheet down from her face and looked intently at him. He lay next to her quietly, his arm resting across her stomach. "Just, like, the army, they have all these roles, right?"

Jamie nodded encouragingly, but remained mute. He hoped he could see where this was going, but all of his training told him to let her talk.

"So there's the calvary and the night watchman, the medic and, like, the scout, right? And that's what we do, right? We pick each other up when we fall down, we watch over each other and make sure things are safe for the other person all the time."

Something about her words gave him a little shiver. He thought about the priest. Eddie must've interpreted his shock as disapproval, because she suddenly tried to cover her face again. "I'm sorry, I know it's super corny."

He pulled the sheet from her face. His voice was unexpectedly hoarse. "No," he said as he found her eyes. "That's perfect, actually. It's really great."

She looked at him quizzically. "Really? Because I thought-"

"Do you mind if we add chaplain," he said, cutting her off. "And no retreat, no surrender," he added. He thought about the lyric that had popped in his head earlier in the night.

"I like that," Eddie replied with a grin.

After a moment, she spoke again. "Did we just write our vows?" she asked.

Jamie nodded, "we might have. I mean, we might want to add a few things here and there, but I think we've got time."

"Well good, one decision made. Now a bajillion others left, I guess."

"I for one, don't care about where we do it, what we wear, or what we eat. I care that the person who signs on the line is ordained by God, the internet, or the courthouse and that at the end of the day I'm going home with you."

Eddie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, guys get off easy. No one asks you if your napkins should be monogrammed."

"I'm serious, Eddie, I'd get the license tomorrow if you wanted to," he said earnestly. He'd do a big wedding if she wanted one, but he didn't want her to feel obligated.

"Jamie, we don't even have a song. How could we get married tomorrow?"

"Wait, you mean to tell me you'd worked on our vows and you've never figured out a song for us?" He laughed at how ridiculous it seemed.

"Oh what, hotshot, you have it all figured out?" she ribbed him. "What song do you think we're dancing to?"

Jamie shrugged. Of course he'd thought about it, but he'd never held fast to anything. He decided on a standard. " _What a Wonderful World_ ," he offered.

" _What a Wonderful World_? Too overdone. That's like everyone and their grandmother's song. Pass."

"Well then what else do you have?" He hadn't been committed to that one anyway. Sure, it was a song they'd danced to, but the memories surrounding that weekend weren't particularly cherished.

He knew she was pretending to stall, but he let her roll her eyes up as though she was searching her memory. " _To Make You Feel my Love_."

"Hmm," he considered. "Which version?"

"Well I was thinking Billy Joel, but point taken. Too many different versions out there and that's just inviting screw ups."

"Screw ups?"

"Yeah, like the DJ not having the right one, or requesting it it on an anniversary and getting the wrong version. It should be something original, not covered a million times."

"There's going to be a DJ at this wedding?" He was mostly joking, but he was genuinely curious about what she dreamed of in a wedding. He may not have the five million, but he'd damned sure try to make everything important happen for her.

"Shut up. What else you got?"

"You know that even if we pick an original song, someone could come along tomorrow, cover it, and have an even more popular version than the original. I'm sure a lot of Dolly Parton fans wanted to axe Whitney."

"Too soon, Reagan. What else?"

"On the Billy vein, _Always a Woman_." It was a song that always made him think of her. Strong, capable, and amazing.

"Not couple-y enough."

Jamie balked. "He's singing about the woman he loves. How much more couple-y can you get?"

"He's putting her on a pedestal. He lists all these things about her, but nothing about actually being with her. He could be a stalker for all we know."

Jamie frowned. "Billy Joel is not a stalker."

"Point taken," she conceded. "But still a pass. Anything else?"

"Okay, I have one more. It doesn't check all the boxes. But after this, it's searching Buzzfeed lists for top not over-used, original- couple-y- wedding songs. I bet they have a list for that." He'd put the song he had in mind on his phone months ago in an act he could only describe as masochistic. Penance for letting her walk away after the kiss in his apartment.

"Alright, smart-ass. Point taken. Whatcha got?"

" _Fire_ , by Bruce."

She paused a moment. "Oh," she said, her face lighting up. "I like that. Not quite traditional."

"No," he agreed.

"Was covered," she countered.

"True."

"But," her eyes lit up again, "rare, the original is. Not everyone knows about it. I like it, let's put a pin in it."

"You forgot one thing," he said with a grin.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It's very accurate," he replied as he leaned in for a passionate kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

The next time she woke, Jamie was still next to her in the bed. He felt her stretch next to him and smiled as he opened his eyes. "Good mornin'" he said, his voice still groggy with sleep.

"I'm starving," she replied first. Then upon reflection, she added, "and good morning."

Jamie laughed. He still felt a bit giddy from the last 12 hours. "Got it," he responded, "food before all else."

"I could go for a breakfast burrito, like one from Los Tres Burritos," Eddie mused.

"On a Sunday?"

Eddie shrugged. "Why not? Is there some secret Reagan Sunday morning breakfast routine that I don't know about?"

"I just think Sundays are made for bagels and lox," Jamie said with a grin and a half shrug.

"There's a whole lot to unpack, there Reagan. Like, do you eat them before or after the whole Irish Catholic family goes to church." She paused for a moment. "Oh shit," she continued, her body already in motion. "You have to go to church. What time does that start?"

"Hey, hey," he said, catching her arm before she could get out of bed. "It's fine. I wasn't planning on going today."

"Last time you missed was probably because of me. I'm turning you into a heathen."

Jamie smiled. "I wouldn't say a heathen. Am I racking up sins? Sure. But totally worth it," he said as he placed a kiss on her neck.

"No," she said with a chuckle. "I mean it. Church is important to you, I don't want you to lose that."

"I'm a big boy," he said assuringly. "I'll be back to church, but I think the Big Man would give me a pass today."

"I don't know, maybe we should both go and thank him," Eddie said as she entwined her fingers in his.

Jamie lifted her hand to his lips. "Oh trust me, he's been thanked more than once. I believe even you had his name on your lips a few times last night?" Jamie quirked his eyebrow provocatively.

Eddie rolled her eyes. "Shut up," she said, but he watched her cheeks and ears pink.

They finally left the warmth of his bed, showered and found breakfast. Over their delivered breakfast burritos, Eddie had agreed to Sunday dinner. Jamie was nervous to ask her, and truthfully even more nervous that she'd agreed, but he definitely didn't want her to know it. The Reagan clan was hard enough to deal with, but with all the tension between him and his dad, all the changes in the last year, and dealing with the teasing from his siblings... well voicing any of that to Eddie would only serve to scare her away.

By the time they'd dressed (Eddie had alternated at least a half dozen times between the two shirts she had in her go-bag) and gotten ready, Jamie knew they'd be late. He didn't mind. It was tactical: if they showed up when everyone was already seated, there wouldn't be a chance to divide them to interrogate. In a family full of cops, Jamie recognized he had to capitalize on whatever upper hand he had, no matter how slight it was.

As they made their way down to Bay Ridge, Jamie knew he was stalling for time. He stuck to surface streets, and not even the major arteries at that. He could feel Eddie get more nervous next to him.

"Hey," said Jamie softly as he put a hand on her bouncing knee.

"Are you sure I should be there," Eddie blurted. "I mean, you could just drop me-"

"Hey," he repeated. "They already like you, I promise I'm not sending you into a firing squad."

Eddie looked panicked for a second. "Wait. Are people armed? Like could it actually become a firing squad?" Jamie had been so busy thinking about what he'd say that her words caught him off guard.

"No," he said with a chuckle. "There's been a rule that no one carries in the house since the kids were little. I mean, we all know where the safes are, and there are a few security pieces around the house, but not in the dining room."

She was quiet for a block. "Have you told your dad yet? About the test, I mean."

Jamie thought about the Sergeant's exam. He'd decided to take it a week after he and Eddie started studying. She was right: he did know a lot of the information, and the rationale came easy for him. After some coaxing, he'd agreed that taking the test didn't mean he had to take a promotion when it came, but if he didn't take it, the door would stay closed. He didn't want his dad to think he was right. Or maybe it was more complicated than that. Either way, he wasn't ready to give his dad the satisfaction.

"No," he replied.

"I was just thinking if they ask me how the test prep is going…" Eddie trailed off.

"Then you can tell them how it is for you." As soon as it was out of his mouth, Jamie realized the severity of his tone. He corrected, "I think I have enough news for today. Things with my dad are still a bit touchy, I'll tell him when stuff dies down."

Eddie nodded. "Okay," she agreed.

They rode in silence for a few minutes. Jamie's brain started mulling over the vows they'd made that morning in bed. He smiled to himself.

Eddie wasn't so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice. "What are you smiling about?"

"I was just thinking we should write those vows down. They were pretty good."

"Like, now?"

"Yeah, now. While they're still fresh. You know people remember the most details sooner after the event than later."

Eddie reached for her purse at her feet. "I think I have a pen," she said as she stuck her hand into her bag, but I'm not sure what I've got to write on. There might be an envelope in here somewhere."

Jamie lifted his elbow from the center console. I think there's a pad of paper in here," he indicated.

Eddie looked lifted the lid and searched before she recovered a long skinny notepad. "This one?" she confirmed.

"That'll do."

Together they rehashed the vows and added a few more thoughts. When they were satisfied, Jamie shared the plan he'd been working on. He'd go in first and let her know when to come in. He knew they'd be happy for him. Give him shit, for sure, but he had no doubt that Erin and Danny would each give him that nudge in the ribs after dinner, a silent "I told you so" that also told him they thought he was right. Jamie wasn't sure who'd bring up them getting new partners first- pop or dad, but he'd have to resist the urge to time the response. He was prepared with his argument, and he wasn't backing down. Jamie was sure that riding together was a necessity, and there was no reason they couldn't, tradition be damned.

They parked and he took her hand as they walked to the door. "Don't worry," he assured her. "They already like you."

Eddie rolled her eyes. "As your work partner, not as the person you're engaged to. We don't have to tell them if you think it's-"

"Hey," he said with a squeeze of her hand. "We'll tell them. We've got nothing to hide. And I'm damned well gonna tell everyone I see."

She smiled, then hesitated. "Wait, when was the last time someone new came to family dinner? Should I be wearing a dress or something? I-"

"Whoa," Jamie said as he turned to face her. They were stopped at the bottom of the front stairs. He took her into his arms. "You. Look. Beautiful." He peppered each word with a peck to her lips. Eddie gave a small smile. He continued, "Reagan family dinners are not for the faint of heart. We are a bunch of pig headed Irishfolk and most everything comes from love, but sometimes that pigheadedness gets in the way. I'm sure everyone will be on their best behavior. It's been a while since anyone new has joined the table, but I don't think they've forgotten their manners."

"Who was the last…" Eddie started to ask but then she trailed off. "Oh," she said when Jamie didn't respond. He knew she was wondering about Sydney; a topic they'd grazed, but not delved into. He didn't think now was the time.

He placed one more kiss on her lips before he released her. "You are amazing, and you have nothing to worry about."

On their way out from dinner they were solemn. Jamie held the car door for her, and she climbed into the Mustang, seats warm from the now-setting sun. Jamie closed the door of the car. He was seething. The dinner did not go as planned. He'd known his dad and pops would side together against their partnership. He hadn't expected how much the tension that was already between him and his dad would compound the tension brought about by this latest disagreement. Jamie tried to take a deep breath as he walked around the vehicle. His adrenaline pumped through his body as his brain turned over the conversation. He was already thinking of better retorts to his dad's arguments.

Once in the car, neither of them spoke as he turned the ignition. Jamie put the car in drive and accelerated with more force than he needed. He couldn't believe his father. Even both anticipated jabs in the ribs from his siblings and an actual squeal from Nicky in the kitchen after dinner weren't enough to dispel the gray cloud that his father cast.

Jamie was still in his head when he heard her voice. "Do they know about my dad?" Her voice sounded shaky.

As usual, Jamie was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he couldn't see where she was going. But something told him to tread lightly, given the subject matter. "Um, yeah, I guess. I mean we never talked about it, but my dad probably does."

Eddie remained quiet as she digested the information with a nod. Jamie looked in her direction as he came to a stop sign on the quiet street. He watched her bite her lip and inspect her nails. It took that long to put together her worry.

"Oh no," he said quickly, wanting to assure her as soon as he could. "If you think what happened back there is because of you or your family-"

"But what if it is," she asked, her voice still shaky. "I mean 'PC's son marries felon's daughter' would make a hell of a headline."

"The one thing my father doesn't really let get to him is negative press. He's got someone to worry about it for him."

"Then is it me? Is it because I'm a cop? Because if they were expecting-" her words were coming quickly now and her eyes looked glassy.

Jamie accelerated hard through the intersection as he spoke. "No, this had nothing to do with you. I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess with my dad. I should've given you time and taken the blows myself."

Eddie seemed to consider this. She reached for his arm as she spoke. "Army of two, remember? I've got your six. We do the hard stuff together, okay?" Eddie wrapped her fingers with his as she gave his hand a squeeze.

Jamie could only nod in return. He wondered how the rest of the precinct would take it. He'd assumed after all this time with people jumping to their own conclusions, it wouldn't really be newsworthy. Now he could only hope that was the case. He hated that his euphoria was so short-lived. It seemed too soon for life to slap them in the face like this. When he got to the next thru street, he headed north instead of south.

Eddie noticed immediately. "Aren't we going back to your place? My car's there."

"Change of plans," he said as he started to work through the idea in his head and he made his way to the tunnel.


End file.
